One of the quirks I will miss about Sadie

Sadie was (I keep typing was, but for the next 22.5 hours it is still is) IS the snuggliest dog. Most of the time she likes to lie on people, pillows, and blankets, not always in that order. 

Like most dogs, she likes to move herself and things, particularly blankets, around, so she can feel just right. This has resulting in her digging at my comforter, blanket, and sheets on my bed many times. And that has resulted in her ripping a hole in at least four fitted sheets as well as several comforters. Yes, I did learn after the first few ruined pairs, but apparently I have not learned how to keep my door closed.

Despite Sadie's penchant for most things soft, she does this one strange thing: Sometimes when she is lying under the dining room table while we are eating, she will rest her head on the chair leg rail. 

It cannot be comfortable, and I don't know why she does it.

That's just our Sadie, I guess.

More than just a dog

In 23 hours we will be saying good bye to Sadie. That is less than a day. It is not enough time. But in some ways it has been too much.

Poor Sadie got sick again yesterday. Twice. I am sure most of her is ready.

Last night the kid and I had a sleepover with Sadie in my bed. I doubt I got four hours of sleep; I never went more than 1.5 hours without waking up. I was so concerned she was going to get sick again, that I could not fall asleep. 

For quite a few months the oddest sounds have been coming from Sadie's stomach as well as from her rear. Every sound which escaped her body last night  jolted me. Finally around 3:30, I was thinking we were safe. By then Sadie had managed to lie sideways, and the kid was halfway off the bed. So I had to move her, which was not easy because she is quite bony, and I was afraid I would hurt her. Luckily, I moved her via dragging the comforter slightly, and we managed to get a little sleep until the next round of sounds.

Right now I am sitting with her on her blanket. She has eaten lots of treats today, and has been given lots of hugs, kisses, and snuggles.

She is so much more than a dog to me.

Just a few more days

I cannot believe we have three nights left with our Sadie. We have scheduled her "end-of-life" appointment for Monday at 6 p.m. I am sure I will spend most of the day at work crying.

I go back and forth, wondering if we are doing the right thing. I am 95 percent sure we are. Sadie has really gone downhill these past few days. She got sick a few times on Saturday, but then was fine up until yesterday. Lately, she has been waking up early, in need of going outside. But these page few mornings, she did not even want to get up from her blanket that she sleeps on. And she has really cut back on her eating. For her weight, she is supposed to eat about two cans of dog food a day (we switched her over to canned food about 1.5 months ago, at first mixing wet and dry; about three weeks ago, she stopped eating the dry). But the past few days, she eats a can. Maybe. She has also started to sporadically reject her treats.

She has been drinking a lot of water. We bought this water purifier thing for her almost a year ago. There is a huge container on the top, from where the water works its way down, and which is the reason we bought it (she started drinking a lot about a year ago). We typically fill it up every few days. As I cleaned it out and filled it up this afternoon, I wondered if this would be my final time of doing that.

Today, Sadie got sick a few times. I was not here, but the hubs cleaned it up.

She still manages to go to the bathroom, but it has really been a struggle.

All those reasons tell me we are probably doing the right thing.

But it does not make it any easier.

She is 13, and has lived a long life. There is a chance, since she is mostly pit bull, that she might not have lived had we not adopted her. I tell myself this, that we did a good thing and gave her a good life.

But it is still so hard to let go.

Yesterday while at work, our choir director sent us a recording of "I will rise." My choir will be singing it in a few weeks. I really like the song, more so the tune. But yesterday, for the first time, I really listened to the lyrics (our choir mostly sings "oos"; we have three soloists who will do most of the singing, so I really did not pay attention to the words). But this phrase made me burst into tears: "No more sorrow, no more pain."

I keep telling myself that Sadie will not be in pain in a few days. And that sort of helps.

But I am still so sad for us.

:-(

The death-ray stare

I have been taking a lot of pics of Sadie over the past two months. Unfortunately, she does not look very good in the most recent pics; she has lost a lot of weight, and you can see her ribs. But I still capture what I can.

Often, when I take a picture of her in the evening, her eyes end up looking green and/or glowing, thanks to the low-light-iPhone combo. But I did manage to get an awesome picture of her the other night. I have no idea how or why this was the result, but it is pretty fabulous.

Now if only Sadie could use her death-ray gaze to kill her cancer...

The birthday girl

We celebrated Sadie's 13th birthday on Friday. We don't know Sadie's exact birthday. In fact, we don't even really know how old she is. When we picked her out (well, when she picked me out) on 6/30/02, her "write-up" said was seven months old. But when we officially got her papers, her age was listed at nine months. I considered that she had been at the Human Society for about two weeks, added a couple of weeks, and decided Halloween was just as good of a day as any for a birthday. Because she continued to destroy things in October and November of 2012, I figured she probably was closer to seven months when we got her.

This year Sadie had (dog) ice cream on her birthday. I started buying that about a month ago, when we found out that Sadie was sick. Sadie loves her ice cream. Here she is enjoying it while I serenade her with a poor rendition of "Happy Birthday."

We also like to make sure Sadie feels special in general. Here she is with a birthday pin and a birthday sash.

 She does not look happy, but I know it is just because she is not feeling great. The dog most of the time does not mind when we put things on her.

Sadie, we sure do love you!

The end is near

Sadie has not eaten much these past couple of days, and she gets skinnier and skinnier. The mass on her butt, on the other hand, is going the other way.

I keep telling myself she is not suffering, that she still wants to be with us. I just hope I am not doing this for myself.

I also hope that the next time I blog, I will be able to say Sadie is eating again and seems to be doing better, but I just don't know.

What I do know is that I plan to make Friday, Halloween, special for her, since it will be her last birthday. 

Love you, snuggle puppy!

Things are okay (I say at the risk of jinxing Sadie)

Last Friday morning, my friend Amy, a.k.a. Aunt Amy to Sadie, emailed me to check on our tan and white doggie. I told her that she was doing much better. Sleeping less and eating more. My mixing soft/canned dog food with her regular hard food (we are at about a 50-50 ratio) has made Sadie quite happy. She sees either the can or the container that I put the leftovers in, and she goes crazy with excitement. Me? I think that stuff stinks!

The only thing I was concerned about on Friday, as I had told Aunt Amy, was that Sadie was crunching on something outside that morning. It could have been a chicken leg; we had had them a day or two prior and threw the bones in the woods behind our house. But I am not sure how the bones would have gotten into our yard and why an animal would not have eaten them. But I had no idea what she had gotten into. And I fretted a bit. Here Sadie was doing better, and she might end up getting some bone stuck in her intestine or something.

But I went off to work and tried not to think about it. However, as soon as I arrived home, the hubs informed me that Sadie threw up. A lot. Underneath the table. So of course I felt as if I had jinxed the poor dog.

Fortunately, Sadie has, once again, been doing okay/better. Still eating. Still running around outside on her lead. Still nearly deaf!

Here's hoping to some more good weeks like this (and here is hoping even more that I have not, once again, jinxed my poor puppy).

Sadie selfie!

-TF